I have returned

Hello all readers,

I am now back after having a long break from writing and internet! As some of you may well know I have travelled the east coast of Australia for the past 30 days or so. It has been an awesome journey and I have seen so many beautiful places. Me and a few friends of mine chose to travel in a campervan, I think it was one of the best choices we could make since it allowed us to choose wherever we wanted to go.

But I guess this is not really that interesting, if you want to know more I guess I'll tell you once we meet. If we never met then that information is probably irrelevant to begin with. So now I sit here in my bed in a 14 dorm room in Melbourne pondering about what important message I have for humanity today... Usually I start to write about me or something that I've experienced and then let it go from there, so I guess I will.

During the past few days I've had a constant struggle with myself when it comes to getting a job and realizing the fact that I need to work to be able to sustain my way of living here in Australia. However there is a part of me, a thought pattern if you will, that constantly say that it's not right and invokes a high sense of fear whenever I approach work of any kind. The same type of fear fills me when I meet new people, when people are mad at me, when I say something "stupid" or even sometimes during normal conversations. 

I have been struggling with this fear for quite some time and sometimes it is "winning" and renders my social and living capabilites to zero. I become depressed and the fear increases in potency, I give in to the apathy. I think this is a common problem and I've also realized that the more I look outside of myself for answers and help the less I understand. Because in truth the fear is like an organism that feeds upon itself. Fear breeds fear and this has been the root of my problem ever since I started feeling small and useless.

But then as you might guess, I had a small revelation recently. Now just because I had it doesn't make the feeling go away, however now I realized that I have a choice every time the fear strikes me. I know there is another way out and another way to "avoid" it, which doesn't involve suppressing the emotion. Suppressing emotion is actually equally bad as dwelling in it, but it gives other symptoms such as physical illness. Anywho, there is always a concious choice of whether or not to "go in" to the emotion. So I can either choose to BE inside the emotion, which I'd rather not since fear is a pretty nasty feeling, or I can choose to observe it and breathe acceptance of myself.

Here comes the final element, and I think it's one of the toughest ones to achieve. Acceptance of self. It doesn't sound that hard, most of you readers probably think you have it. And I bet some of you do (Lucky bastards). But do YOU? Can you accept yourself as you are? Fully? Without attaching to any circumstance or behavior? That's a challenge indeed... See the whole society (here we go again) is built upon achieving stuff and becoming something to actually be accepted. So you probably think you are accepted because you have a nice job or perhaps being a nice person. And that, my friend, is called conditioning! Now you can only accept yourself if you have a nice job or if you are nice to people. So you're basically addicted to serving others or working instead of seeing the person behind this endless quest of acceptance. You! It is you!

Now what can you do to be accepted? Well to be honest I have no clue. Cause I am not you. Only you can know you. But I believe that it's not what we do that determines if we are accepted or not. Because we were all born accepted, so you are accepted! You just have to realize it and believe it. It is THAT simple. So in my eyes we can all choose to see behind the structure of society and ego that is constantly telling us to fit in to a specific frame which is somewhat unnatural, because the only this that is natural is how we are. But often what we are is shrouded by what we THINK we are, so first we have to get rid of that! And we all have our luggage. But underneath that lies something wonderful and amazing and that is the essence of you! So yes you are beautiful just as you are, and so am I, and so is your grumpy neighboor and everyone else in this entire world! So let's realize this together and usher into a new and unimaginably beautiful future!

Are you feeling it too?

A big reason why I created this blog was to have a place where I can freely express myself! Today I feel that I have to express my anger and frustration. I am angry, not because something bad happened this day or that I am in a bad position or whatever. I'm simply frustrated with the fact that I am seemingly alone in my quest and search for answers. What I mean by that is when I look around I don't see many other people questioning the way people are, social structures, government and even reality in some extent. I can't seem to understand how everyone is so content with their every day situation, I don't think it is a bad thing to be happy, don't get me wrong. But isn't anyone else striving for something real? Happiness that last longer than a few hours a day and real freedom.

It feels like I'm constantly repeating myself, but I don't care. I long for freedom, I can seriously feel that we are so close to something different. However what makes my head spin 360 degrees is that so many people still live their life without noticing, without thinking a thought about changing stuff... I do not see why. I don't see why you wouldn't want to change behaviours, thoughts, patterns and social structures that does not serve all people. And in truth it doesn't really make anyone happy to contain themselfs with thick walls and pretend nothing is happening. Freedom is coming and I can feel it, but will only get delayed by people denying its existance. 

So what does this nutjob even mean by freedom in the first place? I'm talking about the place where we all live (earth) who will be free from exploits like the salvage of the rain forest, or the constant digging for oil. I'm talking about us, the people, free of the finger pointing mentality that has been ravaging our collective mindsets for centuries. It is time to give it up, it is time to see everyones true potential. And, as always, it begins with you. It is time to see your own true potential, and how do you do that? You begin by feeling. Feel that feeling deep inside of you, a longing perhaps? To do something? Different? And then you scrap the fear that you have about other people thinking this or that IF you would do this particular thing. Then you have made a quantum leap forward in your own self-developement. As I've mentioned before though, this is not anything that happens over a night. However it will not take years as you might think. We live in another time and it is possible to do so much more and to strech yourself into areas you've never ventured before. 

This is what I mean when I talk about change, and of course a lot of other things will follow once we all set the stage to walk our path. I sincerely believe that we all have talents, even the people labeled as stupid or retarded. But before we start running and thriving in this new world we need to learn how to walk here. Remember this is a newly explored area, and before we start walking we have to crawl. And once you stand on your legs you will fall, and it will hurt. This is the process of evolution, and it is happening, but we need to have patience with ourselfs. To make a real impace the only thing we have to focus on is acceptance, compassion and most important of all self-love.

It's time to take the blindfold off

The topic of today will be something that I really need to get out there. I have a tingling feeling in the back of my head and I also feel the need to express myself from my heart. The world is changing. If you have not felt anything by now perhaps you should think again. The last weeks or months, didn't you feel especially tired, angry, sad or perhaps even joyful for no real reason what so ever? You probably explained it by your standard things like; Didn't get enough sleep, was working for the whole day or something that makes "sense". There is more things happening on a global scale! Syria, Egypt, the NSA leakings, whistleblowers in all kinds of corporations. Yet noone seem surprised or schocked, why isn't this discussed further? I have a desperate need to adress this and to wake people up.

However this is harder than it seems, generally people seem to rather ignore something kind of obvious than accepting it. It is time to look outside of your comfort zone, to think outside your comfort zone and to BE outside your comfort zone. It is time to question things and start to consider what you really want with life. Have you ever questioned your reality? Do you ever wonder why you are here in the first place? I could tell you but you would not believe me. We are not some random essences made by a random occurence many billions of years ago. That's what you have been told, that's what we are all programmed to think and to accept as "reality". Do you seriously think we were placed on this planet just to work and "earn" our living? Does it sound right to you?

You have no idea how hard this is for me, I've been discovering so much about myself and my "reality" that I sometimes even consider myself crazy. Despite this I'm perfectly calm, I am a more stable person than I ever were before. And I know that this is my path that I'm meant to walk, I know that my mission is to help other people to find themselfs. But this is extremely difficult at times because I can't express myself in spiritual terms, I have to speak in "general" and "common" language so the person itself can accept it. Most of the times they only consider my words as wise and don't really question it, they just see that my perspective is kind of wide. But the reason I know this much is because I've been where they are and I've dealt with their kind of situation. Many people are so afraid and don't know how to go through with their issues and that  really hurts. It hurts to see them suffer. There is not much I can do except for being the calm listener and to give my advice in the situation.

I have a deep inner wish that more people would listen to their inner voice and look for something more profound and meanigful than a better job. I wish people could accept the fact that we are not "all knowing". I wish for people to set aside their judgement of other people and work on their own issues. To focus their intention towards a world that works for every individual. I can totally feel that the world is changing, but I can't see it. It feels like we are standing on the edge of a big event that will shake us all to the core of our beings, but again, it's just a feeling. Perhaps you too recognize something deep within you as I mention this? Don't you long for a long and lasting change?

Imagine a world where we all live in co-operation and not separation. A society and school system that values every individuals qualities instead of trying to fit them into "The Frame". A world where the economy is prospering in the hands of the people, not the qualified few who use money for their own personal gains. Imagine a world where the newest technology is available to the populace and not strictly confidential and used within the governments.

And as I write these final words I feel as if I will be judged, I know it. But this is not some wild fantasy I've made up, it is something very real and it's not that farfetched. Even though it seems so, right? But big and lasting change does not happen "out there", it starts from the inside. We need to work on the way we see and percieve things, we cannot solve old problems with our old mindsets. I like using the metaphor that one candle can light up an entire room. And that is true in so many ways, being good, accepting and compassionate will light up a dark room with judgement and hatred. It is time to take the blindfold off, to see the world with new eyes. Start questioning, find your truth and be the person you've always been destined to be.

The path I laid out

Love is something we are all seeking, looking and longing for. What I am about to write today is around how I found it through my journey in life. As you well know I havn't always been a very positive man, I am lucky to be where I am today. However I do not believe it was a coincidence, I believe that through struggle and hardship I realized that there must be more to life. I visited the darkest corner of my own mind for a very long time, I was basically afraid to step out of it. But the day I decided to not rely on any outside medication, to simply trust and state that "I can do this"... It was the day I shifted.

And it's not to say that everything shifted in the blink of an eye and became fluffy pink clouds and rainbows! No, no, no... Much suffering and pain still came and made me go back quite often, but every time I got back on my legs I grew stronger, every time. It is only after such a long and painful journey that I can look back upon it, my perception is widened, my eyes are more open. 

Back in the days I considered myself a weakling, a pathetic little boy who was a good-for-nothing. I was almost constantly depressed, sad or anxious but most of all self-degrading. I could not fit in the frame, I was not like everyone else! What I failed to see was that I am unique, I am powerful and skillful in MY WAY! We all are, we all are unique and skillful in our own way, but so often we fail to see it! We compare ourselfs to others and state that we wish to be in another way. I consider this a process of digging your own grave. When a person says they do not wish to be themselfs, I think it's one of the biggest illusions and misconceptions in this world. I was trapped in this mindset for many years as I watched my friends and sometimes even family with envy and sadness. I was sad because I knew I would never be able to be like them, to "accomplish" what they did. What I failed to realize was that I actually never wanted to in the first place. What I really wanted was to understand. To understand who I am and what I am doing on this dreadful planet. To understand and find a way out of my painful mindset which seemed to be an endless spiral of misery.

But when a man has hope, he has a reason to live. So I continued through the percieved pain and slowly, one day after another I recovered. I was not aware at the time, I did not have much hope at all, but somewhere deep inside of me I found the strength to go on. I still considered myself as a weak man, but as I continually woke up to the fact that I am more than what anyone else can percieve or define, even myself, I realized. I am the strongest of the strong, because in this hell of materialism and survival of the fittest mentality I managed to find myself, I managed to find love.

Because this is what I am, I am love in every sense of the word. And so are you. We all live on this planet and are sort of brainwashed and conditioned to ONE way of living. I have but one wish and that is for the world to change, to become a better place for us all. I wish for all to wake up to their true selfes, to see with new eyes. This is how we change the world, we change ourselfs, we change our beliefs, we change our way of being. The world does not change itself, we have to realize and find the will as a collective to carry out the process. 

As a final punch line I'd like to add that I wish not that you will look upon this text and say that it's impossible, because it isn't. Only if we tell ourselfs that it is. I wish not that you will look upon this text with judgement or a degrading state of mind. We are all different. I wish for you to start opening your mind to new ideas and invoke hope for a better future. Find yourself.

Revelations and Fears

Last night I had a small revelation about myself. I sometimes get small realizations when it comes to my own behavior and shit. So last night I was lying in my bed, sort of in a bad mood and not really knowing why. This is also something that I constantly experience, bad moods for no apparent reason. But last night, as I said, I had a small revelation. To begin with I need to explain what I felt bad about in the first place. I was worrying about all kinds of things, here in Australia there is no sense of security and I always need to think about money, jobs and all these "grown up" stuff.

When I was living home with my parents I was constantly feeling bad about this. Feeling bad about the need to get a job, the need to work 9-5 everyday, the need to "sacrifice" my free time for a sense of freedom and survival. So, this "way of being" came back to me a few days ago, I started feeling bad because I "had" to do all these things, get a job, work, fixing CVs and all kinds of shit connected to this seemingly boring lifestyle. But last night I realized that the feeling I had about this, the "not willing" part of me was infact a fear. A fear that I've never known before, I always thought I never wanted to work or never wanted to fix a job or whatever. But what it came down to in the end was a fear that I've never seen before. I was afraid of taking responsibility.

When this sudden thought hit me I was reliefed for a second. The whole struggle I've felt to the subject of taking responsibility was gone, I simply stated (in my mind) that from now on I take on the full responsibility for myself and my actions. The "not willing" part of me blew away and instead a sense of responsibility replaced it, it felt so good. So the way I see it now is that I've been suffering for these last few days to get this into my head, to release the fact that I am no victim to life. Because in truth I am no victim, I create my circumstances with my own thoughts and emotions. So what I really want to stress here is that there is never really a problem, there is never really a struggle, it is always in the eye of the beholder. It might sound like a cliché or something you've heard a thousand times before but it does make sense. When you've gone through all struggles in life and you look back and you can see that you've learned something about yourself through all "suffering", then it serves a purpose. The fear of doing stuff and working made me realize that I need to do something about it, I need to take responsibility.

This all comes back to the fact that everyone needs to deal with their own shit, their fears and their insecurities, because in all fears lies an answer to who you are. Fear is a big part on the road to self-discovery, accept your fears and the "lesser parts" of your being and you are half way there. And yet again it goes back to our perception of things. We are meant to be perfect in every sense of the word, and don't get me wrong here, we are all perfect in every sense of the word. But we cannot exclude our fears or "bad" sides because then we are excluding a part of ourselfs. Therefore it is important for every individual to nourish themselfs and face the fact that they are afraid and accept themselfs fully in that.

You probably won't have the same fears as I do, but you certainly have something. And I'm not talking about the fear of spiders of the fear of heights, I speak about fears that is limiting and conditioning you. Maybe a fear of speaking your mind, standing up for yourself, showing your emotions or simply share your real thoughts about something. Take a while to ponder what you're resistant to, something that invokes a high feeling of "definately do NOT want to do". And perhaps it is where the answer lies, the fear, the core issue. I can only show you ways of how I recognize these things, but we all have to find our own ways and do the heavy work ourselfs. As I stated earlier we can all set ourselfs free if we intend to do so, and in this we have to go through what may seem to be struggles and hard times. But when you look back the hard times you can clearly see that the fears are simply tools we're given to break the chains of self-imposed limitation and lack.

An effort on a rainy day

I don't really know what to write about today so I'll simply start to summarize how I feel. Some days are just bad, there is no reason for it, you just feel like dogshit. Today is one of those days for me. For no apparent reason I feel really tired and the old negative me wakes up from its slumber. This "me" is a voice inside my head that has been accompanying me in my past. Now a days it doesn't follow me everywhere since I am usually in a happier mood and doesn't think too much about the trials of life. But today, as I said, it is here.

I think this negative voice is something we all have. It comes in all shapes and sizes, just as personalities. I strongly believe that almost everyone is trying to hide it for some reason. People are afraid of what other folks might say if something is shared. Our current life is a charade where the most "happiest" person wins. Share all that you have and every positive aspect of your life on Facebook. Write on your lovers wall and say how wonderful he / she is. Make a bold statement so that other people might consider you a "smart" person (whatever that is). The first time you meet a person you measure what you "are" by bragging about what you have, what you have done or anything else that's surrounded by a hollow shell of fear.

Is this our future? Where everyone hides their true thoughts and emotion to give out a false picture of themselfs? I can see this everywhere and it's when I have a day like this that I think too much about it. It is heavy, it is sad and makes me want to scream out to the world that you are so, so, so fucking wrong. But I don't. This is the first time I make an honest attempt to raise my voice about the issue. Earlier I've been too scared of what people might think of me, an idiot that doesn't fit the profile of a "normal" person. And this post ain't about others people stupidity, nor is it an attempt to make you feel bad, I just want you to see for yourself and think for a moment. So many actions of the common man is based, built upon and basically drowned in fear.

This is what everything comes down to in the end: Fear. There is nothing but fear driving people to maintain this charade of life. Fear of being excluded, fear of being laughed at, fear of being labeled. If you dig deep enough in all of your personal issues you will find the answer, and it is fear. So in this life we are all trapped in our own self-imposed walls of fear, which we seek to find our way out of. "The pursuit of happiness" is something that is widely practiced, but how many succeed? How many people in our western society lives a happy life? It's sad when you think of it, because noone that I know is happy. At least not in a genuine way. So perhaps we should rethink these alienated ways of thinking and acting. Maybe act on something that is more sincere and genuine than how many likes you will get on Facebook?

I dream of a world where any man can open up and share his/her feelings and emotions. Whether it be anxiety, fear, happiness or joy, it truly does not matter. I wish for a world were we see each individual and cherish her for what she is, not for what we think she should be. This is why my day is shitty, because I long for this change, I am aware of the damage we cause by not being true to ourselfs. I just wish all of you out there, my brothers and sisters could see and make an effort to give in to the change and be what you came here to be. We are no sheep, we are lions. We are no victims, we are free. But only you hold the key to the handcuffs which constrain you. It is time to dig deep and find the answers and set yourself free. Only you are the answer. You.

Compassion and Acceptance

Today I would like to touch another cool subject which is compassion and acceptance, I believe they both go hand in hand and are crucial keys to building a new world of peace. Before I start I would like to thank all people who supported, liked or read this blog yesterday when I did a post on facebook. It really meant the world to me and makes me want to write even more! So here I go.

Compassion and acceptance is something we are all taught, in school, in the home, basically anywhere in society. You are meant to be compassionate and accepting towards other people. However there is a small missing ingridient in this puzzle. I have always been trying so hard to be compassionate and accepting towards other people, most of the times I succeed and understand why they do what they do and why. But it has always come with a cost. I feel bad about it, I feel as if my mouth is in the mud and this particular person is about to put his/her boot on top of my head. I never really understood how to deal with this kind of situation because I never wanted to judge a person for what they did, it is simply not the way I roll.

And so my quest for the truth continued and one day I stumbled upon an article which was similar to this one. The message in the article was simple: Accept and have compassion for yourself, just the way you are, only then can you be accepting towards others. It may sound like a cliché but that was when I realized that the missing ingridient was right in front of me the whole time, or merely, inside of me. I started to tell myself everytime I bounced into a feeling that was saying to me that I wasn't good enough that infact, I am good enough and I accept myself for who I am. And after that the whole hell broke loose inside me!

What? Are you crazy? You are not good enough and you really can't accept yourself as you are, because you are worthless, stupid, dumb and yada, yada, yada.

This was a start of something huge, a breakthrough, something I had never touched before. Back in the days I dwelled within this voice in my head, I agreed and felt even worse. But this time I accepted the voice. And then slowly, one day at a time, the voice dissapated, it realized how good it felt to be accepted. And that is when you see the world with new eyes, you see a beatiful world because now you can accept it for what it is, it isn't worthless, stupid and dumb. I could now look into the eyes of friends and even enemies and accept them for where they were and what they were struggling with. We are all evolving and constantly learning from life and if we can accept that and have compassion towards ourselfs, the rest will follow in its wake.

Imagine a world where everyone accepts themselfs fully! There would be no misunderstandings and no judging. Everyone would leave space for one another to grow. The conflict between religions would end because in truth it does not matter. The wars would end because no man would see someone else as "less than" himself. This may sound like incredible news to some of you but it is not that far away, open your eyes and see that the times are a changin'. I personally have faith in this new world emerging, however it will not happen by itself, we need to claim our sovereignty and stand for what we know is right, not what we are told.

Hopefully you will find a peace of mind simply by reading these words. I sincerely hope so. I would also like to clarify that if you try to identify your own thought pattern in your life you will have some amazing experiences. You will find that you are capable of doing so much more than you thought, your creativity will increase and life will be a flow of sensations. Of course the struggle of life is still present, but it will not be in the forefront. I did not know I could write like this two days ago, yet I tried and here I am, I love this! Thank you for reading and feeling my words!

Peace,
Joacim